As a mom of twins, I have plenty of “twin mom” friends and plenty of “singleton mom” friends. But sometimes it feels like there is a huge divide between the two.Now, I get that we twin moms can seem smug and self-satisfied — to give credit where it’s due, we did carry, birth, and raise two babies at once! I also tend to think we twin moms can multi-task better than most, and we’re great at keeping calm (so we don’t set off a tornado of temper tantrums).
But we don’t mean to come off as smug, I promise. If anything, we twin moms feel guilty for being jealous! Yes, jealous. As a mom of twins and a singleton, I can attest to the fact that while having twins is the greatest thing on Earth, it’s not always the easiest. So here are a few things I’d like my singleton mom friends to know.
1. It’s a lot more than twice as much work. Yes, it’s two babies, but trust me, it’s a lot more than two times the work. It’s also an extremely delicate balancing act. Your focus is always divided when you have twins. Between feeding, changing, cleaning, and cuddling two babies, you barely have time to do anything else. Getting twins on the same schedule is a job unto itself. (I have to ask, moms of singles: When you have one baby and they go down for a nap, what do you do with all that time?)
2. We envy you. Singleton mommas, you know how you grab your kid and breeze out the door? Yeah, twin moms can’t do that. Not only do we have way too much gear to leave anywhere quickly, but we also live and die by a carefully planned schedule, which keeps us from going insane. You probably see the jealousy in our eyes as we watch you push your single little one at the park without having another child pulling at your leg at all times. Bliss.
3. It’s almost impossible to go out alone with twins. For the first few months after my twins were born, I didn’t go anywhere alone with them. I could barely figure out how to maneuver my double-stroller through a door. And have you ever seen those twin baby carriers or slings? They’re insane. I always needed an extra set of hands. So I’m not being a jerk when I hesitate about meeting you and your singleton at the park. I’m just worried about losing one of my kids if I meet you alone.
4. We’re self-conscious around you. My twins are toddlers now and in preschool, which means birthday parties and play dates. I get seriously self-conscious when we have play dates with singletons. I worry my twins will be overwhelming, that they’ll wreck your house, or that their special bond will leave your singleton out. To be honest, kids seem to gravitate to my boys. Not sure if it’s because they’re twins or because they’re so much fun, but our dance card is always full.
5. We love it. So what if we need twice as many diapers, or get barfed on twice as much? Yes, it is much easier having just one baby (I know from experience, I’ve done it both ways), but having twins taught me so much about being a mom. Whenever a singleton mom says to me she doesn’t know how I do it, I totally agree! I still don’t understand how I do it! But we moms do what we have to and that includes dealing with twins. Each and every day is a blessing.