33 Names NOT To Give Your Kid 33 Names NOT To Give Your Kid
Written by Pamela Redmond Satran for Nameberry Mention baby names at a party — and I do, frequently — and someone invariably brings up... 33 Names NOT To Give Your Kid

2

Written by Pamela Redmond Satran for Nameberry

Mention baby names at a party — and I do, frequently — and someone invariably brings up the name urban legends: the twins named Oranjello and Lemonjello, the baby girl called Female, pronounced fe-MAHL-ee.

 

We’re not sure those stories were ever true, but if you look at the very bottom of theSocial Security baby name records, you can find plenty of other ill-advised names that people actually gave their babies, and really really shouldn’t have.

 

The names below are so rare that each was given to only five babies in 2012. (To protect privacy, the government only records names used for five or more babies each year, so chances are there are even worse choices out there that didn’t make the official statistics.) Yes, some truly terrible names were given to more than five children last year — seven little girls were named Anally, for instance, and nine boys were named Havoc — but focusing just on the very bottom of the government list, here’s what NOT to name your baby, and why.

 

Ahmiracle and Dmiracle
There were nearly 800 girls named just plain Miracle, and then you’ve got your Jamiracles and your Lamiracles. But we draw the line.
Assia
You just can’t give an American baby a name that contains the word “ass.”
Beautyful and Pretty
She better be.
Disney
Product placement?
Erie
Lake, yes. Ontario or Michigan, maybe. But Erie is just eerie.
Goodness
Most teenagers would take this as a dare.
Ikea
A Big Box name.
Money and Pryce
Uh… no.
Richard
Every year there are a handful of girls named Richard….and George and David, and boys named Charlotte and Sophia. Clerical mistakes? Sometimes, probably. And then other times, they’re just mistakes.
Rosary
Saints’ names and other religious names can work, but this takes baby-name-as-devotion too far.
Shady
Weather names — Sunny, Snow — can work, but then there’s the other meaning of Shady.

 

Stonie
Will create a rocky path for your child.
Vegas
What happens in Vegas…
Younique
Unfortunately not.
Abass
See Assia
Carrion
Baby name roadkill.
Dolton
If Colton is a popular baby name, and Bolton and Knowlton can work as first names, then Dolton…. nah.

 

Emporer
Why not Tyranius?
Hamlet
Shakespearean names as far out as Romeo can work, but Hamlet is also saddled with that “Ham” syllable.
Handsome
See Beautyful and Pretty.
Harshit
Harshit and Harshita are Sanskrit names with a lovely meaning: full of happiness. But they don’t translate well into English.

 

Kartier
Klassy.
Maximum
Max or Maxim would have made the point.
Messer
Takes the Badass Baby Name idea, ala Ranger and Wilder, too far.

 

Patch
Like Adams?
Princeten or Prinston
Maybe he’ll get into Yale.
Ralphy
Middle name: Boy.
Rambo
Scary, yet not as scary as the six boys named (yes, really) Rage.
Vader
Ready for a lifetime of Star Wars jokes?

Henry Okafor

No comments so far.

Be first to leave comment below.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *