Malia Obama to President Obama: Daaaaaaaad Malia Obama to President Obama: Daaaaaaaad
Fan-fic conversation between President Obama, birthday girl Malia Obama, with some interruptions from Valerie Jarrett, Vice President Joe Biden, and Moby, naturally. President Obama:... Malia Obama to President Obama: Daaaaaaaad

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Fan-fic conversation between President Obama, birthday girl Malia Obama, with some interruptions from Valerie Jarrett, Vice President Joe Biden, and Moby, naturally.

President Obama: Does the DJ take requests?

Malia: No. He does not.

President Obama: Valerie, does the DJ take requests?

Valerie Jarrett: I’ll ask.

Moby: Yes, I take requests.

Valerie Jarrett: He takes requests.

Vice President Biden: Ask him if he has “Rocky Mountain High, Colorado!”

Moby: I have some whale sounds that are tonally similar.

President Obama: Malia, what’s that song you like? I’ll sing it for you.

Malia: I don’t. I don’t like any songs.

President Obama: Oh, stop it. What’s it called? “Stay Home From Work?”

Malia: No. I don’t like music at all actually.

President Obama: “Work Remotely?”

Malia: Sound in general, can’t take it.

President Obama: Moby, do you have “Call in Sick?”

moby

Moby: Obviously.

Malia: No music. No singing. I’m actually going to take a vow of silence.

President Obama: When?

Malia: Right now. Starting now. I’m going to become a Carmelite Nun.

President Obama: I’m pretty sure we’re not Catholic.

Malia: They don’t mind.

President Obama: Malia, you’re being ridiculous.

Malia: There is no Malia here. My name is Sister Mary Clarence.

President Obama: Look, it’s either you let me sing you your favorite song or I sing my favorite song—

Vice President Biden: “Rocky Mountain High, Colorado!”

Joe Biden

President Obama: No. If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, by Drake.

Malia: That’s not a song. It’s a whole album.

President Obama: Exactly.

Malia: Fine. You can sing. Just one song.

Malia Obama, President Obama

President Obama: Moby! Can you play the Game of Thrones theme? I custom wrote some lyrics for the occasion.

Malia: Oh God.

President Obama: You’re the luckiest 18-year-old in the world right now.

Malia: Is it too late to get adopted by Justin Trudeau?

Henry Okafor

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