When my first child was born, I wasn’t given the opportunity to give birth to him by myself. I delivered through c-section.I was cut up and he was pulled out of me, and I agree that, that wasn’t how nature had intended it to happen.
But what can I say? Yes there wasn’t any pushing involved, I didn’t have to sigh and push my baby from my body while my husband urged and encouraged to to keep going, that I’m almost there.
And I regret not being able to do this after carrying my baby for good nine months. In fact, I couldn’t feel much because of the epidural I was injected with, and yes, I wasn’t able to bond with my baby at his first point of entry into the world.
I had hoped for a natural delivery, but as fate would have it, an emergency caesarean had to be performed, and I could not experience what most mothers go through, pushing their baby into the world with clenched fists and sweating palms, while their husband and family urges them to push on, until their sweet baby is brought into the world.
During the ante-natal classes, I had the opportunity of learning more about C-section and how it works, but of course, I never dreamt of giving birth through C-section so I didn’t think I need to know anything about it. But in the end, that was the only way I could bring my baby into the world healthy and alive so I had no choice.
The pains of the stitches in my abdomen is not as intense as the pain I felt when some days and weeks after, people were sympathising with me, throwing me pitying look. And I was surprised, after all my child didn’t die and I’m healthy so what’s with the sympathising look?
To my chagrin, I discovered they were pitying me because I wasn’t able to bond with my baby at the moment when he came into this world. How outrageous! I don’t feel pity for myself or my son, so why should anybody? And for the record I don’t regret ever having a C-section for if that’s the only way to bring my baby into the world alive and safe then that’s okay.
Someone else didn’t carry my baby to term for me, I did, he wasn’t brought out from someone else’s abdomen, but me, so what’s the ado about for nothing? It was in that moment and month that I discovered that there’s another myth spreading all over the world about natural deliveries.
And so unknowingly women are being pressured into having a natural birth by all means possible. And indeed being awake when your baby breathes his first breath and cried is a beautiful thing and so also is being able to control your child’s birth and something every mother wish for.
But what happens when that is impossible? Allow my baby to die? No, right? Then why do people find it hard to understand and reason with c-section mothers?
What people who judge C-section mothers don’t understand is that, a caesarean section is a major surgery and so many risks are attached to it, and it also requires a long period to recover. Sometimes it’s the only option left when there’s a medical emergency, and even when that’s not the case, sometimes a woman might feel that is the only way she can give birth. Does that mean she should be judged?
Yes it might be unspoken, but people are silently judging women who give birth through C-section, I’m sure in their mind they would be asking questions like Was she too lazy to push? Or does she not want to risk having her vagina stretched and stitched after she has tears? Does she not know vaginal birth is a good way to bond with her baby after birth?
I think this judging of C-section mothers has to stop, it’s so unfair. That you had your child through vaginal birth does not mean you would do a better job at being a mum than I will. It doesn’t mean you will love your child more than I will. Or whether you will pick them up early at school and I’d be late.
And as long as it’s not a determinant of whether or not I will be a good mother to my child, then it shouldn’t matter.
Right from the time a woman is pregnant, she becomes an object for pressure and judging, people comment on whether or not she makes a perfect image of a mother. This pressure starts from pregnancy till when the child is given birth to and doesn’t ever stop. But it must stop.
This judgement can do no good for C-section mothers and their children, they are in a situation where they have to come to terms with their birth which was different from what they planned. And sometimes they can’t talk to fellow new mums mothers who gave birth vaginally for they have a sense of being better than them. Yet women needs each other’s support.
And although I didn’t give birth to my baby vaginally, I believe I couldn’t have loved him more and bonded with him any sooner than I did, it’s motherly love, as long as you are a mother you will love and bond with your baby. And that’s what matters.